Porn.

You’ve desired it. You know you have. Come on, be honest with yourself. You’ve probably even tried to look for it… waking yourself in the middle of the night and sneaking over to the computer, typing the letters into the search box one key at a time so as not to make noise and wake anyone who might then find you there like a thief, clearing the cache so no one knows about your little “secret” obsession.

That’s right. You’re busted. I know you’ve done it. I know you’ve tried to find it.

I know you’ve tried to find food porn!

Now I’m not talking about that kind of porn where some very uninhibited people are doing things with produce (or some items from the other food groups) that make a person really know they don’t want to eat that afterwards. 

I’m also not talking about the photos of food so beautifully presented and photographed that just to be able to actually taste the dish, you’d walk through broken glass, give up your first born child, and sit bare-bottom in a field of poison ivy. 

I’m talking about porn… the old fashioned kind where your eyes are treated to photos of all kinds of naughty bits… only the naughty bits are actually made out of food. Food that grew that way because, well… it decided that if Paris Hilton could be famous for nothing other than showing her naughty bits, why should she get all the glory?

So this Friday will mark the first installment of a regular feature here at the fraccy farm, a feature called Friday Food Porn.

You’ll be able to find here every Friday, some naughty fruit, vegetable or other type of food that just can’t stay out of trouble, and you’ll also find a recipe for a tasty dish using that naughty little item. Please, feel free to click the images if you need to see all the naughty edibles up close and personal!

To start this off with a bang, I give you…

Red Chili Nightmare

(As found at Pastry Wiz]
Yield: 4 Servings

1 c Pinto beans,dried
5 c Water
2 tb Lard
1 tb Bacon drippings
1 Onion
12 oz Pork sausage,country-style
1 lb Beef,coarse grind
4 Garlic cloves
1 ts Anise
1/2 ts Coriander seeds
1/2 ts Fennel seeds
1/2 ts Cloves,ground
1 Cinnamon stick,ground,1″
1 ts Black pepper,freshly ground
1 ts Paprika
1 Nutmeg,ground,whole
1 ts Cumin
2 ts Oregano,dried,pref. Mexican
4 tb Sesame seeds
1 c Almonds,blanched,skins removed
12 Red chiles,whole dried or
1 1/2 c Chile caribe
1 1/2 oz Milk chocolate,small pieces
1 cn Tomato paste(6oz ea)
2 tb Vinegar
3 ts Lemon juice
1 Soft tortilla,chopped
Salt

1. Place the rinsed beans in a bowl, add 2 to 3 cups of water and soak overnight. Check the beans occasionally and add water as necessary to keep them moist.
2. Pour the beans and the water in which they were soaked into a heavy saucepan and add 2 to 3 more cups of water. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, then lower heat and simmer, partially covered, for about 45 minutes, until the beans are cooked but still firm. Check occasionally and add water if necessary. Drain the beans, reserving the cooking liquid.
3. Melt the lard in a heavy skillet over medium heat. Add the beans and lightly fry them in the lard. Set aside.
4. Melt the drippings in a large heavy pot over medium heat. Add the onion and cook until it is translucent.
5. Combine the sausage and the beef with all the spices up through the oregano. Add this meat-and-spice mixture to the pot with the onion. Break up any lumps with a fork and cook, stirring occasionally, until the meat is very well browned.
6. Add the reserved bean-cooking liquid to the pot. Stir in all the remaining ingredients. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat and cook, uncovered, for 1/2 hour longer. Stir occasionally. Add water only if necessary to maintain the consistency of a chunky soup.
7. Taste when curiosity becomes unbearable and courage is strong. Adjust seasonings. 

Bon Appetit!

[Wikipedia Definition of Food Porn] 

And you know what? I think there are a few people over at Humor-Blogs who probably can’t help themselves either! Maybe they’ve been in some porn… maybe they just like eating it? You’ll never know unless you click over there and find out for yourself.

Fraccy’s a little busy today and won’t be causing trouble on the inteweave until a little later tonight. (Please, if you don’t mind… keep your eye on Daddy Papersurfer in case he’s still not over the after-effects of cleaning out his cupboard. Someone really should explain to him that liquor and cheese are best when they’re old… not tinned beef.)

Amazing at it might sound, I googled “young daddy papersurfer” and then for the heck of it, “little johnny” and found this photo at some genealogy site. I guess some things, deep down… we all just know, don’t we?

Anyway, please enjoy a giggle or two until I come back.

I’m sending this evidence on to the good folks at Humor-Blogs.

Little Johnny’s First Kiss

A little boy’s first day in school and a teacher was going to play a “guessing” game. She passed out different items to each of the students and proceeded to ask each student what item they received.

When it was the new boy, Johnny’s turn, the teacher gave him a candy kiss. She asked ” Do you know what it is?” Johnny replied “No.” The teacher said, “Go ahead and open it up and taste it.” Little Johnny did so. The teacher then asked, “Now do you know what it is?” Little Johnny said “Noooo.” The teacher said, “I’ll give you a hint….it is something your daddy wants from your mommy every morning before he goes to work.”

A little girl in the back of the class jumps up and screams.

“JOHNNY, SPIT IT OUT……….IT’S A PIECE OF ASS!”

Little Johnny Loves Grammar

A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word “Fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly said, “My family went to my granddaddy’s farm, and we saw all his pet sheep. It was fascinating.

The teacher said, “That’s good, but I wanted you to use the word “fascinate”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well that was good Sally, but I want the word “fascinate.”

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Little Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate”, so she called on him.

Johnny said, ” My cousin’s wife has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big, she can only fasten eight.”

The teacher fainted………………

Little Johnny, Interrupted…

Little Johnny watched his Daddy’s car pass by the school playground and into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

He found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.

Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane…”

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.”

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story about the car going into the woods, the undressing, Aunt Jane laying down on the back seat. Then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.”

Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.

[Joke source: Adult Joke Database]

A few days ago I’d left a comment over at Jayleen’s blog, telling her how much I loved her recent photo posting. I decided you should all go see it.

She has a real talent for photography. Me… someone more inclined to like the strange and unusual, someone who does not display a single “landscape” type piece of art in her home, someone who usually poo-poos the nature type stuff for well… all things weird, has been won over by her work.

And while I do love her newest offering, I love many more of her pieces too. Click. Go see. It’s time well spent!

Shh. Don’t tell Olga, The Traveling Bra,  but some people are still burning bras… or in this case, jockstraps. Whoops. Now you can’t tell Frank, The Sedentary Jockstrap either.

It seems that David Archuleta, that wholesome boy next door some predict as the final American Idol standing this year, has a Stage Dad.

According to reports abounding since last week’s show, the senior Archuleta has been banned from rehearsals for future shows. Said Andrea Canning, of ABC News:

“Jeff Archuleta, the father of “American Idol” contestant and fan favorite David Archuleta, has reportedly been banned from the show’s rehearsals.

The stage dad has been accused of meddling with his son’s routines during rehearsal, and “Idol” producers have apparently had enough.”

and

“It’s not the first time Jeff has been accused of being a demanding stage parent. He was reportedly banned from the set of “Star Search” after reportedly harassing some of the other contestants during David’s run on the show in 2003.”

Now, just this past week, I happened to catch the first episode for Danny Bonaduce’s new show, I Know My Kid’s a Star, and you know… after watching some of those parents, being known as a Stage Parent is just about the last thing on earth I can imagine anyone desiring to be!  Most often (if child beauty pageants are any indication) it’s been the female gender suffering from that need to stage parent and I have to say I’m at a loss to understand why this is something the male gender would want equality with the female gender over.

It’s not like being a Stage Parent is good for your child either. Yes… it may end up meaning that you get to live out your own childhood dreams through them. Yes, it may mean they end up making more money anyone could ever dream of. Yes, it may mean they end up worshipped and idolized by throngs of people who, for reasons only their own mental health care professionals know, feel a need to worship and idolize a celebrity, and yes… it may mean they get to lve their lives as though they were some form of royalty.

It may also mean they get to become a drug addict or an alcoholic. It may also mean they lose the ability to have anyone real in their lives, anyone who loves them truly for themselves and who will hve the courage to say no to them. It may mean they might, after gaining a few years in age, decide they’ve had enough of you and put you out of their lives and then write a tell-all book about what a controlling ass you were and why it’s your fault they have a life of misery that money can’t fix. Yes… it may mean they become another sad duplication of any number of child stars who’ve gone before them, some of whom sadly, are not with us anymore due to an untimely death at their own hand or the result of overwelming drug or mental health problems.

I’m sure that’s what you wanted for your child when you first saw them enter the world, take their first breath and cry.

Isn’t it?

To see a slideshow of some of Hollywood’s most famous child stars who have or had a Stage Parent, click your way over to this ABC page. If you’re like me, you’ll probably notice how none of them fit any of that stuff I just said.

And if you’re also like me, you’ll click over to Humor-Blogs and see what the others in that merry band of boobs have written about today!

[Photo Source: (Kenny Crookston/AP Photo)]