fracas

Twitter Tips for the Experienced

Volume I – Pitchin’ Woo

Oh hi… it’s fracas here again, and as promised, here is the first installment in this noble quest to help even the most experienced twitterers avoid some serious errors in twetiquette.

If you tweet, you’ve probably been online and had to endure  seen exchanges between tweople on your following list that make you feel like you either need to go get a bucket, wash your eyes out with soap (and not even that ‘no more tears’ baby kind of soap, no, for this you need lye… and lots of it) or blindfold yourself. 

You know what I’m speaking of… and if you’re a twit out there who’s actually engaged in some of this, you should know a few things.

1. I don’t particularly like throwing up. 
2. Lye really hurts the eyes, and unfortunately, doesn’t get my brain clean. I can still remember your stupid exchanges with that other twit… flirting shamelessly in that sickening kind of way as though the whole world disappeared and there was only the two of you. Sickeningly romantic? Perhaps. Annoying as hell to the rest of us in your twitter stream? Definitely.
3. I’m not that good at tweeting while blindfolded. They turn out something like this:

So if you’ve ever been guilty of getting caught up in that whole “flirting shamelessly and in that embarassingly sickening way that people do when they’re very young and think everyone else in the world wants to watch them do their little courtship dance with each other when in fact we’re just really embarassed for you” thing… I just want to give you one teensy bit of fraccy advice.

Yes, yes… I realize you’re a big deal, big ole experienced twit with thousands of followers and when you aren’t flirting like you’re 17 (and a half) because you happened to catch so-and-so on twitter late at night at the same time as you, you’re usually posting really good stuff  like links to good articles at mashable or techcrunch… or some other valuable tidbits to help the rest of us.  I realize you’re usually offering up sage advice to the rest of us about how to get more followers or more blog traffic because you (like about four hundred thousand other tweople) are a SEO guru. I just have to ask though… please oh wise and learned twit, would you take this one tiniest bit of advice from fracas?

DM

Direct Message.

Twitter has it.

If you use it for those embarassing tweets where you’re pitchin’ woo [1], then none of us will have to get a bucket, wash our eyes out with soap or try tweet blindfolded.

There’s a bonus too.

If you don’t subject us to your efforts at pitchin’ woo with follower #672, we might actually continue believing you really are a SEO guru, and we might actually keep you on our follower list for those occasional tweets with those good links to mashable and techcrunch.

Then you won’t have to wake up the next morning and hurry to delete all those tweets before tweople you wouldn’t want to see them, see them.

You’re welcome.

Carry on.

(Only please… remember… DM.)

[1] Pitchin’ Woo: Attempts to make romantic contact with another, to ‘hook up’ with another, impress someone you’d like to be involved with, etc…. not to be confused with joking around in a non-serious way. Most who aren’t numnuts can tell the difference. One is funny, the other sickening to watch because, well… it feels like we’re invading your privacy. Ick.