fracas

[Note: If you are reading this post at a site other than the original Fracas blog, you are reading material obtained without consent (yep... stolen ) and the owner of that blog is a thief. ]

The role of the jockstrap could be played by Frank, the role of the bra by Olga, and the role of the boob?

Obviously… me.

Soon, I will have the pleasure of Olga the traveling bra’s company. Now that she’s safe and sound following that bra-napping incident, I’m sure she’s looking forward to a more relaxing time here with us in Canada. She’s been through a lot. What with being held captive by Dr. Evil and that offensive Fat Bastard, and before that, having to endure the indignities which befell her at the hands of Daddy Papersurfer, I understand she can’t bear to think about anything other than some pampering and rest.

Due to a recent mishap resulting in some of my fraccy parts hanging out a bit too freely these days, I’ve suddenly become as sendentary as Frank the Sedentary Jockstrap. Olga won’t have to worry about being put to work as a guest in the fraccy home, for here… it’s all about the resting on our laurels.

(That’s a nice name for our nether-regions, in case you didn’t know.)

Oh okay. I sit on my butt all day. I can’t help it. I have to. Canadian health care means I’ll be doing that for several months while waiting for surgery.

I know. I’m going to look like Fat Bastard after all that, aren’t I?

While I’m happy to do so during Olga’s visit (she will after all, need some TLC after all she’s been through) I have been a little worried about how to keep from gaining a lot of weight during this lengthy sit-in. With this in mind, I’ve taken to scouring the internet for calorie counters and nutritional advice to help adjust to being a sedentary boob from that-boob-who-got-herself-in-this-mess-because-she-had-a-propensity-to-go-dig-dirt-and-lift-heavy-things-while-working-in-her-garden-all-day, in order to maintain the fraccy behind at a steady weight of at least 30 stone.

(Oh crikey… you know you want to do it… so click here and use the calculator to see for yourself what fracas weighs…)  

Anyway, I’ve been paying attention to the nitty gritty on everything that’s been going into the fraccy mouth, and it’s been so enlightening that I thought I’d share with you a couple of the sites I’ve been using regularly to count up the damage and figure out if I need to wire my mouth shut for the next few months or not.

(Some have already voted yes to that, but not because they’re worried about my weight gain.)

The Daily Plate gets a fraccy vote, because while I was looking for the nutritional values for the lovely Saskatoon Berries that I’ve picked straight off the bush in the fraccy garden, this was the site that actually had a listing for it. They also have calorie counts and nutritional values for popular brand name and fast foods. As well, you can create an account, plug in your age, height, weight and activity levels and learn how many calories and grams of fat you may take in to either maintain or lose weight.

The Calorie Counter is a site I’ve used often. It allows you to search a category, and then narrow down to exactly your portion size so that you don’t have to do any calculating on your own.

And… for those of you who really do want to know whether your weight (in relation to your height) places your BMI in the healthy zone, please check out this one at The National Institute of Health or this one at The University of Maryland’s site.

Me?

I’ll just busy myself with the calorie counters until Olga arrives. Perhaps she’ll convince Frank to get off his sedentary butt and we’ll head over to the bar…

Obligatory Disclaimer for the boobniks who don’t know me well enough and are jumping out of their skin to call me a hypocrite because I’m worrying about my weight after writing about eating disorders: ‘Everyone’ knows I’ve never been one to fret about wanting to be too skinny. Frankly, I’ve really never believed in diets either, preferring to stick to that “everything in moderation” and just add some excercise to your life. I have lately though, because of loved ones with some serious health problems, had reason to pay attention to how things like BMI and diet are important to prevent heart disease, diabetes and other health problems, and… I’ve learned that when an injury keeps you off your feet, if you don’t care about what you eat, you will gain weight that might cause you other health problems.