fracas

It’s Friday again, and I know darn well you’ve been looking forward all week, to another issue of Friday Food Porn. Last week we featured some peppers that looked remarkably penile, and the fraccy phone lines lit up with calls from people wanting to know where they could find their own penile peppers.

• Emeril called. He thought he could bring back his television career with a wham bam thank you maam instead of that plain old bam people have grown tired of.
• Frank, the sedentary Jockstrap called. He thought these peppers would be ideal for times when he was just too sedentary to “stand up” and be counted.
• Nursemyra called. One of her charges happened upon the pepper post and now seems to be causing a bit of a problem for the dietary department at the old Gimcrack. I won’t elaborate lest I get dubbed with one of those NSFW ratings. Suffice it to say Nursemyra’s staff will be busy adjusting the care plans for more than a few of the patients.

      and

• Lo, she is a terrible Goddess called. She was a bit vague about why she needed them. Do you think it might have something to do with this?

After that, I put the answering machine on.

This week I thought I’d offer something for the menfolk out there. Not that this blog doesn’t offer men enough opportunities to boob-gaze…

Next time you’re at the market, consider the Kohlrabi. Since we know how men love a great pair of boobs, what could possibly qualify as “comfort food” more than the Kohlrabi?

Here’s a bit of help for the men out there who don’t cook, and aren’t sure whether to pinch, poke, squeeze or smell their Kohlraboobies at the market. Once you’ve chosen yourself a good pair, try out the following recipe. I know you just can’t wait to smother those naughty Kohlraboobies with all that leek-y goodness. 

Smothered Leeks and Kohlrabi

(Smothering is a way of cooking vegetables with a little fat and the least possible amount of water, in a covered pan (I guess that’s the smothering bit) until very, very tender. Kohlrabi holds together well, adding its own natural sweetness.)

Ingredients
3 leeks, trimmed and cut into 2cm/¾in lengths
2 kohlrabi (around 650g/1lb 7oz), trimmed, peeled and cut into 2cm/¾in cubes
3 large carrots (around 550g/1¼lb), peeled and cut into 2cm/¾in pieces
6 garlic cloves
1 bay leaf
2 sprigs fresh thyme
water, to cover
salt and freshly ground black pepper
40g/1½oz butter 

Method
1. Place the leeks, kohlrabi, carrots and garlic into a wide shallow pan which will take them in a single layer. Tuck the herbs down among them.
2. Pour in enough water to come about 1.5cm/½in up the sides of the pan. Season with salt and freshly ground black pepper and dot with butter.
3. Bring up to the boil, then reduce the heat to the absolute minimum. Cover the pan with a lid or foil and leave to cook very gently for about an hour, stirring occasionally to make sure that it doesn’t catch. If necessary add an extra splash of water, or if it ends up too watery, uncover and boil the water off. Either way, you are aiming to end up with meltingly tender vegetables, perhaps slightly patched with brown towards the end of cooking, with little more than a few tablespoonfuls of syrupy liquid left in the pan. Serve warm.

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One good kohlraboobie deserves to be with another good boob. Click to share the kohlraboobies with these boobs!

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