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According to Children…

• No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
• When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
• If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
• Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
• You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
• Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
• Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
• Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
• School lunches stick to the wall.
• You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
• Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
• The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma’s lap.

According to Adults…

• Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.
• There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.
• One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
• The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere… and let the air
  out of their tires.
• Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.
• Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.
• Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
• Laughing helps. It’s like jogging on the inside.
• Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
• My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
• If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts.
• You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

[Source: http://www.jokesandhumor.com/]