fracas

We’ve heard it over and over… global warming is a bad thing. Some have started campaigns to stop it, some have protested and some have excercised our right to vote for politicians who care and understand that global warming is truly a danger.

That is, unless you’ve got great tits.

Oh… and your tits are British.

I received a tip (that was a tip, not a tit ) from a friend and what I learned was alarming!

 “Researchers found that great tits are laying eggs earlier in the spring than they used to, keeping step with the earlier emergence of caterpillars.

Writing in the journal Science, they point out that the same birds in the Netherlands have not managed to adjust.”

Now, I wasn’t sure I cared all that much about tits from the Netherlands, but I was truly upset to learn that somehow, those British tits are doing better than our North American birds. Perhaps it’s because of a certain British old fart git, who tries so hard to get my goat every now and again, but I have this inner voice that just will not allow me to concede defeat to a Brit.  

So this cannot be. British tits somehow figuring out how to adapt to a new worldly weather order, and North American birds floundering? We North Americans must band together and do something drastic!

I, determined to find some North American tits that were enjoying the warmer weather, set out to do just so. To my utter and devastating dismay, I learned something awful.

There are no great tits in North America!

There is simply no way any tit-loving North American could stand for this. Great tits in North America must be located.

As anyone who knows the fracas can attest to, all it takes to fire me up is the chance that there’s an injustice happening. Quicker than you could say Olga, The Traveling Bra, I’d bolted from my chair and had out the poster paper, markers and sticks; protest signs raring to go and a phoning tree organized.

I was determined to find some great tits in North America… I just needed help.

Within the hour, there we were, a small but very vocal group with protest signs waving in the wind and our hearts beating with the excitement of knowing that we were doing something so valuable it would certainly go down in the record books as nothing short of heroic! After all… we were saving North America from the embarassment of being a land where no great tits can be found. We were small in numbers, but great in spirit and determination not to allow the British to be known as the land of great tits. 

We couldn’t have felt any prouder. It was a feeling everyone should experience at least once in their lives.

How were we to know though, that this glory would be short-lived? We’d only been on duty less than an hour when it happened. There was a fury of flashing lights, sirens (and a news camera or two) and before you know it, there we were in a holding cell, waiting for our loved ones to fetch us.

Honestly, I don’t see what we did wrong.

The arresting officer couldn’t keep from laughing (and oddly, staring at all the good, kind souls who were inspired by our signs.) He kept mumbling something under his breath that sounded like ‘Wikipedia’ and ‘Damn Fools.’

I suppose had I checked Wikipedia, I’d have known that indeed, North America does have some great tits… we just call them something else.

Who could blame me though? Everyone knows you shouldn’t rely on Wikipedia for your information… don’t they?

In the end, I may have spent a little time in the slammer, suffered a few indignities and wasted a few dollars on making those signs, but it was all worth it to defend the honor of Great (North American) Tits.

I just hope the judge understands.

If you too, support Great Tits in North America, please show your support by sharing this post and showing the fracas that a little jail time was worth it.

Read more about Great Tits:

• Great tits cope well with warming (And a hat tip to Mike for the story!)
• Great tits enjoying the warmer weather – so far (Image source.)
• GREAT TIT (Parus major): SPECIES ACCOUNTS
• Wikipedia results for Tit (bird)
• Wikipedia results for Great Tit
• Wikipedia results for Blue Tit
• All About Titmice

And hey… you know this is Humor-Blog worthy!