Filed under: Amusement, Blogging, Boobs, Bras, Breasts, Canadian, Crime, Entertainment, Funny, General, Humor, Men, Nudity, Oddities, Pain, Peeves, Saskatchewan, United States, Uproars | Tags: apologies, Attack on Canada, Crime, designer shoes, Donuts, humor-blogs, Innocent Victims, Nekkid Gardening Day, Olga the traveling bra, Saskatchewan, Speedcat Hollydale
Every time I have plans to try to get some work done, someone comes along and throws a wrench (or a cupful of rainbow sprinkles) into it. I am outright blaming Speedcat Hollydale for this one, and I’m not sure exactly what he can do to make up for it.
You see, because of him and his planned attack on Robert, a fellow Canadian, I very nearly lost some of my fraccy bits and pieces.
I know.
You’re as outraged as I am now, aren’t you?
It seems that Olga the Traveling Bra went to spend some time with Speedcat, and (as if any of us are surprised) as a true member of the male gender, how do you think Speedcat is entertaining Olga?
Going to the movies? A nightclub? A friendly backyard barbecue gathering with all his friends (to which I’m quite certain Frank, the Sedentary Jockstrap would’ve made the trip to attend), or even a day spent at local museums and art galleries?
Noooooooooo.
No, Speedcat chose to entertain Olga by using her as a catapult to launch messy, sticky jelly donuts into the sky in hopes that they would come down on poor Robert. Though he launched two donuts, only one came down on Robert… and that my friends is where the fracas enters the picture.
It seems one of the donuts went astray and there was fallout. The story (from here on) gets a bit graphic though. Please only continue reading if you think you can handle talk of nudity and violence.
I, like another of Hollydale’s aquaintances, had heard about Nekkid Gardening Day, and like Wendy, reasoned that I could in fact, get more accomplished in the garden without the burden of clothes. After all, don’t swimmers shave their bodies to make better time? I have a large yard. Gardening without clothes seemed to be the perfect solution for how to get more of this nasty spring cleanup done in less time. Being on a corner, I have only one neighbour to worry about and I knew for sure they were gone.
There I was, in solidarity with Wendy, when I heard that ominous whistling sound a gal like me only knows from watching old WWII movies. A bomb? Couldn’t be. Not only am I Canadian, but I live in Saskatchewan! No one is interested in bombing Saskatchewan! I mean, according to everything everyone knows… we’re just flat land here and a bomb wouldn’t even do any real damage anyway. In fact, a crater or two placed correctly, with a few good rains afterwards, might even be a good thing. We do like our lakes up here. Gives us all somewhere to go for summer holidays, since everyone knows there’s nothing else exciting here!
I looked up and couldn’t believe my eyes. Heading towards me with the fury of a teenage boy after his first dirty magazine, was none other than a battery of sprinkles.
Donut sprinkles.
I, like a character from a Mission Impossible movie, dove, rolled and narrowly escaped being peppered with shrapnel-like bits of candy.
It was then that I remembered I was gardening nekkid, and while the fraccy bits and pieces are still intact, I have suffered a bit of lawn-burn in some very inconvenient places.
I have recorded (for evidence) the sprinkles in the fraccy lawn. You’ll just have to take my word on the lawn-burn. Well… unless there happens to arrive in my paypal, some substantial “donations” at which point I may post photos of the fraccy burns.
This, my dear fraccers, is why I am terribly upset with Hollydale. I’ve been thinking about what he could possibly do to make up for all of my pain and suffering and I think I’ve found the answer. Of course, there’s always this too.
If not… I suppose I could add his name to the cauldron’s ”to do” list. If he’s not sure which is his better option, he might want to ask someone with experience… or even Shinade (though I’ve never used the cauldron on her, she may be able to attest to such things since she is a regular fraccer). In fact, if it wasn’t for her making Hollydale’s crime known to fracas, I may never have known who was to blame for my suffering.
Although this incident was no laughing matter, perhaps you’ll find something funny over at Humor-Blogs. If you, like me, think Hollydale owes me a pair of shoes an apology for my pain and suffering… share this post with others. Perhaps we’ll convince him with some good old peer pressure!
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What I’m wondering is where a convenient spot to suffer a lawn burn might be…
Regardless, here’s to a quick recovery. I suggest green tea; it’s been scientifically proven to heal everything and anything, ya know…
Comment by The Rev. May 7, 2008 @ 2:42 pmOh you are too much gal!! LMBO….I love it!! I told you stay prepared. I am myself, at this very moment, continuning to wear my helemt at all times!!:-)
You are sweety patooty too!!
Comment by shinade May 7, 2008 @ 2:58 pmI know, I know! The most convenient place to suffer a lawn burn is… (drumroll)… on someone else’s body.
Bad me. Back to work!
Comment by Linda May 7, 2008 @ 2:59 pmOh my word now DP will see that mispelled word!! whatever is a girl supposed to do?
Comment by shinade May 7, 2008 @ 2:59 pmHe will be thrilled now!! Not only have I managed to mispell but I also did not use proper punctuation. I better run for the hills!!
Comment by shinade May 7, 2008 @ 3:01 pmThe Rev. - I can’t think of any better answer than Linda’s. So am I supposed to drink the green tea or bathe in it? LOL.
Shinade - I’m wearing my son’s bike helmet when I go outside until I know Olga is safely on her way to another location. ;-)
Linda - Yeah. Preferably DP’s? I’m getting ornery because he hasn’t paid me for secretarial services rendered and he still keeps playing that whole “dropping papers on the floor” game.
Sheesh. The things we do for work, no?
Comment by fracas May 7, 2008 @ 5:10 pmokay… you look like you, as does shinade. I, however, look like a geek. And though I *am* a geek, I like to think I don’t look like one. So how/where are the avatars drawn from? WordPress.com? Blogger? Somewhere else?
Comment by Linda May 7, 2008 @ 8:22 pmOkay, I’ve changed them. Some of our avatars show up because we’ve either uploaded them to our WordPress blogs, or we’ve signed up for Gravatar or uploaded our avatars to MyBlogLog. They then show up at blogs that support those.
WordPress has always had that “mystery man” blank figure for people who haven’t uploaded avatars or don’t use a Gravatar, but recently they added three new auto generated avatars each blog owner can choose from in their settings. There’s one where a mathematical image (I guess kind of like an Escher image) is generated for each user and then remembered so that each time that person visits, the same image shows. Then, there are two cartoony kinds. I had one of the cartoony kinds checked, but since I love ya so much, I changed it to the Escher image one. They’re kind of pretty.
You can read about it here.
Comment by fracas May 7, 2008 @ 9:02 pmWhilst rolling around the garden naked, I hope you managed to avoid stinging nettles and brambles - they can give a nasty prick you know or bring you out in a rash.
Comment by Daddy Papersurfer May 8, 2008 @ 12:22 amAs I’m feeling so mellow after your titanic efforts as my secretary to ease the pressures of my day to day existence, I’ll overlook the plethora of typos etcetera that are to be found over here. I know…… please don’t thank me ….. ho hum.
BTW, if you want to ’secretary’ naked, I won’t object - I’m very flexible.
Comment by Daddy Papersurfer May 8, 2008 @ 12:23 am……. as indeed you are ……….
Comment by Daddy Papersurfer May 8, 2008 @ 12:24 am…… I hope
Comment by Daddy Papersurfer May 8, 2008 @ 12:24 amMy goodness. While it is quite late for me here, knowing it’s about 7 hours ahead in your time zone, I quite see you’re a “morning” person.
I hope TG is also a “morning” person, but some sneaky little suspicion tells me she is not.
Must just be that intuition we secretaries get after working for someone for a time.
Comment by fracas May 8, 2008 @ 12:32 amwait till you see what’s next!!! Thanks fer da linkin … I will do the same :-)
I’m a little slow …. :-)
Comment by Speedy May 8, 2008 @ 1:07 amManolo Blahnik shoes are what’s next…
I hope?
;-)
Comment by fracas May 8, 2008 @ 1:37 amOh Fracas…I’m sorry ’bout your lawn burns! At least you didn’t get any sprinkles in your hoo-ha? (Didja?!)
Comment by Olga, the Traveling Bra May 8, 2008 @ 10:31 am[...] news to be slowly relayed to my news desk from the war correspondents on the front lines like the Jelly Filled Fallout Report posted by Fracas on May 7, 2008 at 1145 hours about a nekkid Saskatchewan being sprayed with [...]
Pingback by The 36DD Stealth Brassiere Bomb Squadron « Miss Moneypenny CPU May 8, 2008 @ 11:52 amPeace has been declared..it’s time to clean up the sprinkles and powdered sugar…:))))
Comment by robert bourne May 11, 2008 @ 3:47 pmThat’s easy for you to say… you don’t have scars in some very private places due to that Nekkid Gardening/Sprinkles Fallout episode.
I’m still having nightmares about it. PTSD I think. Honestly, if Hollydale would send those shoes… I think I could get over it.
Comment by fracas May 11, 2008 @ 7:20 pm