fracas

Every time I have plans to try to get some work done, someone comes along and throws a wrench (or a cupful of rainbow sprinkles) into it. I am outright blaming Speedcat Hollydale for this one, and I’m not sure exactly what he can do to make up for it.

You see, because of him and his planned attack on Robert, a fellow Canadian, I very nearly lost some of my fraccy bits and pieces.

I know.

You’re as outraged as I am now, aren’t you?

It seems that Olga the Traveling Bra went to spend some time with Speedcat, and (as if any of us are surprised) as a true member of the male gender, how do you think Speedcat is entertaining Olga?

Going to the movies? A nightclub? A friendly backyard barbecue gathering with all his friends (to which I’m quite certain Frank, the Sedentary Jockstrap would’ve made the trip to attend), or even a day spent at local museums and art galleries?

Noooooooooo.

No, Speedcat chose to entertain Olga by using her as a catapult to launch messy, sticky jelly donuts into the sky in hopes that they would come down on poor Robert. Though he launched two donuts, only one came down on Robert… and that my friends is where the fracas enters the picture.

It seems one of the donuts went astray and there was fallout. The story (from here on) gets a bit graphic though. Please only continue reading if you think you can handle talk of nudity and violence.

I, like another of Hollydale’s aquaintances, had heard about Nekkid Gardening Day, and like Wendy, reasoned that I could in fact, get more accomplished in the garden without the burden of clothes. After all, don’t swimmers shave their bodies to make better time? I have a large yard. Gardening without clothes seemed to be the perfect solution for how to get more of this nasty spring cleanup done in less time. Being on a corner, I have only one neighbour to worry about and I knew for sure they were gone.

There I was, in solidarity with Wendy, when I heard that ominous whistling sound a gal like me only knows from watching old WWII movies. A bomb? Couldn’t be. Not only am I Canadian, but I live in Saskatchewan! No one is interested in bombing Saskatchewan! I mean, according to everything everyone knows… we’re just flat land here and a bomb wouldn’t even do any real damage anyway. In fact, a crater or two placed correctly, with a few good rains afterwards, might even be a good thing. We do like our lakes up here. Gives us all somewhere to go for summer holidays, since everyone knows there’s nothing else exciting here!

I looked up and couldn’t believe my eyes. Heading towards me with the fury of a teenage boy after his first dirty magazine, was none other than a battery of sprinkles.

Donut sprinkles.

I, like a character from a Mission Impossible movie, dove, rolled and narrowly escaped being peppered with shrapnel-like bits of candy.

It was then that I remembered I was gardening nekkid, and while the fraccy bits and pieces are still intact, I have suffered a bit of lawn-burn in some very inconvenient places.

I have recorded (for evidence) the sprinkles in the fraccy lawn. You’ll just have to take my word on the lawn-burn. Well… unless there happens to arrive in my paypal, some substantial “donations” at which point I may post photos of the fraccy burns.

This, my dear fraccers, is why I am terribly upset with Hollydale. I’ve been thinking about what he could possibly do to make up for all of my pain and suffering and I think I’ve found the answer. Of course, there’s always this too.

If not… I suppose I could add his name to the cauldron’s ”to do” list. If he’s not sure which is his better option, he might want to ask someone with experience… or even Shinade (though I’ve never used the cauldron on her, she may be able to attest to such things since she is a regular fraccer). In fact, if it wasn’t for her making Hollydale’s crime known to fracas, I may never have known who was to blame for my suffering.

Although this incident was no laughing matter, perhaps you’ll find something funny over at Humor-Blogs. If you, like me, think Hollydale owes me a pair of shoes an apology for my pain and suffering… share this post with others. Perhaps we’ll convince him with some good old peer pressure!