fracas

It seems I am famous.

Well, to certain Brits that is.

Daddy Papersurfer has yet again, written about me, and while telling the truth about what’s behind his discovery might seem shameful to some, I have always been the kind of person that wants to help others by sharing what I’ve been through.

With that in mind, I shall explain to everyone, how I came to be immortalized as you see here (photo stolen credit to Daddy Papersurfer’s site of course) Clicking the link will take you to his 357th post about me. I’m not sure what that means, but I certainly do appreciate the attention. It allows me so many opportunities for philanthropy.

Isn’t it a good thing his lovely wife is such a goddess? Just poke around his blog for a while and you will undoubtedly agree with me on that.

However, the goal here is to explain the doll, and so I shall.

There’s a reason for this doll. It was one of a very limited quantity that were crafted to remind me of a very different time in my life. I, after being maligned and teased by a former arch-enemy, decided that the only reasonable thing to do would be to, ummm… eat said enemy.

I’m not proud of it, and I do accept responsibility for my own actions, but it wouldn’t be fair to say that I am the only one to blame. You see… our laws here are quite lax you know, and crimes for what others in other countries might spend the rest of their life in prison for, we Canadians simply get a pat on the rear.

In some cases, that pat is actually desired and so there is simply nothing to deter some from a life of crime.

I admit, in the past I let my emotions rule and when dealing with people who gave me a bad time, well, sometimes things just got out of control. I’m sure the world is a better place for their being gone though. Well, I suppose they aren’t totally gone. When slimming down following my breakthrough, I did donate the excess (ok… so what, it was liposuction, so sue me) to Hollywood and to this day, countless budding celebrities that shall remain un-named have been helped through a groundbreaking procedure where people like me donate their excess.. umm… collagen to a bank where starving actresses can receive free lip injections in the hopes that  they too, can become Angelina Jolie.

I told you I like to help people. I thought it fitting too, that the departed fraccy arch-enemies would in the end (or the lips to be more accurate) be helping someone else.

Wanting to be a better person, I attended counseling where I learned that a better form of vengeance is to use the cauldron. I must say, choosing the cauldron does certainly keep one’s figure a little more trim. It was after I became proficient at the use of the cauldron, that I commissioned those figurines and released them into the world. It was to help others who might otherwise end up suffering the same tragedy as that original arch-enemy of the fracas. I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but in North America, enemies are being eaten at an alarming pace. The news reports try to blame the increasing size of North Americans on fast food and a sedentary lifestyle, but we here know the real truth.

I made a change and wanted something better for my life. I released those dolls to try help others. To me, they aren’t an embarassment, they are a testament to the fact that anyone can become a better person if they really want to! There may even be a charm or two attached to them as a result of my newfound cauldron skills. It’s a good thing DP “stumbled” upon the figurine in that shop. I mean… it’s not like I (or the cauldron) had anything to do with the strange desire he had to purchase it…

Now that the secret is out, you also might realize that even in the past, when (due to the high caloric content of arch-enemies) I was a tiny bit larger than I am now, I was still the same fracas. As Olga so adeptly noticed in her previous comment here, large or not, the fraccy style survives. I still have those black gloves; I just wear them with a slightly smaller swimsuit.  

And my favorite entree these days is now Lobster.

I hope this has helped someone out there. Quite rightly, I should also share this entry (not entree) with the good people over at Humor-Blogs. Sharing a secret means everyone. You can help others too. All you have to do is choose one of the following social network sites and share this post. Just think of the people you’ll be saving!