fracas

He works hard, he should get to play hard. Shouldn’t he?

No, silly. I’m not talking about Mr. Fracas. Frac, there’s no darn way I’m letting him play harder than me. I’m talking about Santa… the guy who manages to make, wrap and deliver toys and other kinds of gifts to children all over the world.

Yeah, him.

I know he doesn’t do it alone but seriously, even organizing such a feat is enough to deserve a really kick-ass place to party afterwards. I know. I used to be in fundraising. I’ve done a few events. I almost lost my hair and I’m not an old man with a belly like a bowl full of jelly.

So I’d heard that Santa used to kick back after the holidays by watering the reindeer and then letting Rudolph take a well-deserved rest at the back of the herd while Blitzen headed up the convoy to the South Pole. No one usually looked for him there, and you know with all that extra cookie weight, he really found he couldn’t take the heat of Arizona. Nah… he decided long ago to just let all those Canadians have it. He did find that people didn’t recognize him much in Mesa (what with all the other elderly old men with white hair there) but honestly, the heat was oppressive. Mrs. Clause kept after him to lose some weight, but that belly fat is the hardest to lose and well… he knew that if he did lose the weight he’d only put it back on again the next Christmas and after all, his doctor did warn against yo-yo dieting.

No. Heat was out. South Pole was in.

Until about 1911.

That was the day Santa knew would be the end of his frolicking.

On this day in 1911, the South Pole was discovered and rumour has it, it hasn’t been the same for the old guy since. Poor Santa has just not had a place to rest between jobs in, oh… more than ninety years.

And some people complain if they go one summer without a holiday.

So if you’re someone out there who knows of a great place where the real/original old git  could hang out and relax from about December 28th through the beginning of Lent (Santa, otherwise known as St. Nick, simply wouldn’t consider missing Easter celebrations with the Elves) I think Mrs. Clause would breathe a sigh of relief.

It seems that old gits get a little cranky when their vacation spot doesn’t live up to everything they’d hoped.

And then he gets to taunting the reindeer about replacing them with Llamas, pretending Uma Thurman has a thing for him, talks about how he was happier in the cupboard, and in general… just giving her cause to wonder if one of those look-a-likes in Mesa mightn’t not want to do a little “role playing” next year.

Please then. If you remember getting that special gift from Santa one year; if you recall the wonder and surprise of your younger years… try to think of a place Santa could vacation. Post your idea here. I’ll write Santa and let him know that we’re making a list too, a list that he should be checking twice.

I might also point out how what with all the Red Bra Diary posts that go on here, “He sees you when you’re sleeping” is a darn good idea on his part!