fracas

Last week brought us three nights of Dancing With The Stars. This week, we’re down to two nights, but competition night means two hours of celebrity toe-tapping and surprisingly good entertainment.

I have to say that some people I’d thought wouldn’t be much good at all, have surprised me and others whom I thought would be good have also surprised me but in the wrong direction.

The reviews are below, interrupted by a momentary pause by Marie Osmond.

Fracas Figures:

It seems the judges have a bit of a bias already. While Mark Cuban did considerably better than Wayne Newton, the judges scored him low enough that if Newton survives based on that oh-my-gosh-it’s-Wahyne-Newton factor of older women voting for him because he’s Wayne Newton instead of because he danced well, then Cuban is going to be in a spot of trouble.

There were a whole lot of contestants sitting in the middle of the pack with a 21 vote.

• Albert Reed
• Jennie Garth
• Cameron Mathison
• Floyd Mayweather
• Jane Seymour

Of the group, I don’t think a single one stood out far enough to gain the votes based on their performances, to push them any higher. Albert was fine, but his Quick Step was a bit boring and like the judges, I felt he was a bit too skip-happy. Jennie Garth seemed stiff and scared, like a deer in the headlights. Pity.  Cameron too, seemed not able to loosen up enough to enjoy his routine enough to wow anyone other than judge Carrie Anne Inaba. Her wow factor seemed to be the fact he was a little replica of Albert last week, what with the black shirt cut down to the waist and showing a neatly waxed chest. I guess those no-hair chests really do it for Inaba.

Mayweather tried his best for sure, and while he seemed to be Quick Stepping it fairly well, it was clearly apparent that he was thinking his way through the whole thing. It just seemed like we were watching something not quite ready for prime time, only not in that naughty fraccy way, but in that need-more-practice way. Seymour was lovely but when done, my first thought was that her performance was nice, but boring. Boring? She was doing a Mambo. When is a Mambo boring? As the judges pointed out, she needs to offer a bit of passion… or something. Being proper and elegant is nice, but it won’t make anyone remember your Mambo. It really does seem that Jane will have a hard time with the Latin dances. In the training clips it became clear that she really does have trouble with moving her hips in that non-proper kind of way.

Whether Melanie Brown has calmed down a bit or we just aren’t seeing the poopy parts from her training session this week remains to be seen. Her performance captured a 23 from the judges. I’d say she’ll have another week to show us whether she’s still Scary Spice at heart, or whether she, unlike the Dixie Chicks… is ready to make nice.  

Marie Osmond surprised a lot of people, though clearly not brother Donny, who was in the audience hooting and hollering for her like there’s no tomorrow.  Her Mambo was a really great effort that showed everyone exactly what she professed to be doing the show for… to let the world know that women don’t just fall over and die because they’re over 45.  The judges agreed, and assessed her an impressive 24.

Which leaves the real contenders to date (although with more work, Marie could certainly be a contender) being Helio and Sabrina. Both delivered performances that were technically sound and despite one being a Latin number and one being Ballroom, both were totally enjoyable and entertaining.

High praise from a woman who thinks the Quick Step is a stupid and very unentertaining dance.

That would be me.

Helio received a score of 27, while Sabrina received a 26. Neither one should worry about going home tomorrow. Both will be there at the end, I suspect.

My guess for who might go home tomorrow?  I’d like to see Mark stay in the competition and though his mark of 18 is higher than Newton’s pathetic 15,  I do believe Newton will eke out a stay because he has a litany of fans who will vote for him based on his name. None of those middle age women probably have a clue who Mark Cuban is and so Newton will be left to bore us at least one more week. The upside of that for the producers though, is that if Newton gets called away for any reason, they could always have the Madame Tussaud Newton fill in for him and we’d probably not even notice.

Now who else can boast that?

See if you can tell which is the real Wayne and which is the wax Wayne in the photo below.

Not that easy to tell them apart, is it now? The real Wayne is on the left. The wax Wayne is on the right. 

I do hope I’m wrong about who’s going home though. Soon enough, we’ll know for sure.

Previous reviews:

Week 1 Elimination Show
Season Premiere – Men’s Night
Season Premiere – Women’s Night