fracas

I know we told Frenchy she could pierce Sandy’s ears tonight, but it seems Sandy wasn’t up for it. Honestly, I don’t know why. It couldn’t have been the pain, since we made sure we

1.  Fed her a couple of those martinis first

2.  Froze her lobes with some really great icecubes. Seriously, check these out. I don’t understand why she got so upset.

So the problem became one of who would get pierced, and what kind of piercing it would be. Frenchie wasn’t quite so up on all the new kinds, and since we kind of all know she’s destined to become a beauty school dropout anyway, there I was feeling obligated (as the party host) to yet again, go back to google and find some answers and some instructions.

I’m really quite a good googler, and it didn’t take long to find some real information, though searching for “self-piercing” in order to get poor Frenchie her instructions did cause me one brief fright. It seems that when you search for self-piercing, you have to make sure you specify that you’re piercing body parts, because otherwise you’ll find information on a certain rivet machine that (given some of the freaky things that go on in the world today) might just fool you for a second or two into thinking there are people punching rivets into their bodies.

Come to think of it, I’m not so sure there aren’t people out there doing it. I decided to pretend I never saw that. If you pretend you don’t know something, then you don’t… right?

Getting back to the business of finding out how Frenchie would go about piercing something other than ears, I found Flesh Impressions and knew I was at the right place to learn exactly what people are piercing today. Perhaps we’ll convince Marty I thought? She’s used that Maraschino line for so long, maybe a piercing would be just what she needs to help with her art of pick-up? The list of services offered at Flesh Impressions seemed complete:

• Ears
• Facial
• Navel
• Nipple
• Surface
• Genital

Nipple? Genital? Frenchy was a little upset by that point. No one told her that would be expected of her. She was actually a lot upset by then, and talking about how the frac she could get back to 1978. Yikes.

I tried to show her not to worry, tried to convince her that people really aren’t doing that.

Big mistake.

First, I ended up at Beyond Ear Lobes. You wouldn’t think a site called parent-teen.com would have anything like this on it:

Piercing is not new. “There have been people doing these piercings for hundreds or thousands of years,” says John, who self-pierced his genitalia more than a decade ago, and prefers to not use his last name. “Certain tribes in Africa and North America were doing piercing long ago, as well as European sailors and carnival performers.”

Today, however it is teens and young adults drawn to the piercing frenzy in droves. In some cases they are dangerously piercing themselves in order to wear the shiny body adornments so craved by their generation.

At age 24, John, who lived in Colorado, self-pierced his penis, in what is referred to as an Ampallang piercing (horizontally through the head of the penis). By his own admission, he says the piercing was risky and he was foolish to do it himself. “My piercing bled a lot, and I fainted not long after I did it,” he says. Luckily he had two friends with him who helped to revive him.”It’s hard to say why I did this,” says John. “I guess it was a kind of rite of passage for myself.” He had heard that the piercing would intensify sexual pleasure for both partners, but acknowledges that he and his girlfriend at the time didn’t notice much difference.

At that point, Frenchy totally freaked.

She seemed to be ok at the facial piercing gallery  (though she did say that the whole tongue thing was gross and she refused to pierce anyone’s tongue) but she said she’d need another martini if she was going to have to stick a needle into someone’s eyebrow. I wasn’t so sure anyone would want to be the pierce-ee if she had any more martinis but at that point I was just trying to convince her not to go back to 1978. She found the navel piercings ok, in fact, said she might do herself too, but the surface piercing gallery was the start of something bad. I’m not really sure if it was the nipple piercing gallery, or the genital piercing gallery that was the final straw, but she flat out refused to do any of that no matter how many martinis we gave her.

All turned out for the best anyway. I thought I heard Rizzo making fun of Sandy and gads, but I didn’t want to have her outside at this hour singing “Hopelessly Devoted To You” and waking up that bitchy neighbour lady who’d gossip about her being out there in her nightgown, so I told Frenchy to just forget the whole thing.

I think we have other things to do anyway.

Previous slumber party posts:

Getting that baby bum softness without the baby.

The panty raid must wait because the liquor is flowing.

Slumber party at fracas tonight, no RSVP required.

Blogtoplist is my new best friend.