fracas

You know, I’m a little disappointed. I know some people (not mentioning any names but Dusty might want to take a bow) who always seem to have a joke to tell. Me.. not so much. I hear them, never remember them, and have to go looking for them whenever I want to post one or two.  Today, I decided to search “dirty jokes”.  Heck.. I’ve been away, not commenting and well, you know… I need to pepper up the blog again. Leaving timestamped posts is ok, but it doesn’t exactly make people feel like there’s any action here. It’s like showing up for a dinner party invitation and finding no one home, a frozen dinner on the table and a note telling you to have a great time.

So,  a-searchin’ I did go. I have to say, that most jokes found by searching “dirty jokes” aren’t really all that dirty.

Or maybe I’m just blonde?

Redheads are always honest. 

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a redhead with three small children running around at her feet.He said, “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”"And if you don’t mind me asking, what do you use it for?”"We use it for sex.”

The researcher was a little taken aback.

He said, “Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?”

The redhead said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out.”

Who said going door to door was all bad?

Get the whole story first.

A man worked in a pickle factory for many years and everyday he came home to his wife saddened. He told her everyday that he feels the urge to stick his penis in the pickle slicer, but then doesn’t because he feels his wife may get mad.

She tells him one day that she won’t be mad, but after he does this she doesn’t want to hear him complain about the consequences. So the next day he decides he will put his penis in the pickle slicer. When he returns home he announces what he did to his wife. She immediately asks him what happened and how his penis is. He said my penis is fine, it is in one piece yet, but my boss fired me.His wife was astonished and wondered why and what happened to the pickle slicer. He said well I don’t feel that bad because the boss fired the pickle slicer too. He said she was pretty mad too.

I guess blue-collar jobs aren’t all that bad after all!

Feeling a little green orange?

A man wakes up one morning and notices that his penis is orange. He gets worried and desides to go to the Doctor to see what his problem is. He tells the Doctor that his penis is orange and he doesnt know what to do.The Doctor runs test after test and everything is normal. So the the Doctor asks, “What were you doing the night before?”

The man replies “Watching t.v. and eating cheesies.”

Ba da bing.