Filed under: General | Tags: fracas is tied up, Humor, Humour, I Love Lucy, Ricky Ricardo ties up Lucy, tied up, when bloggers disappear, where is fracas
If you think you know what it’s like to be tied up, just think again.
Like Lucy, Fracas has been really tied up the last few days, and she isn’t sure exactly when she’ll manage to wriggle free.
It could be worse though…
She could be here, blogging… and then you’d have to read whatever drivel she came up with.
Or even worse than that…
If she wasn’t tied up, she might be at your blog, leaving what she thinks are pithy comments. You know you think they are too… only you just happen to be able to say that word without a lisp.
But, like all good things must come to an end, it’s pretty likely that eventually Lucy Fracas will get free and be back to her old habits here and there and on twitter… so enjoy this while you can!
Filed under: General | Tags: Canadians can get rich, doctors cash in on Haiti tragedy, Doctors want pay for helping in Haiti, Fracas to get rich, Health Minister Yves Bolduc, Help Haiti, How to get Rich as a Volunteer, Humor, Humour, Merriam Webster, Quebec surgeons want cash, Should Canadian Government pay volunteers, the end of the world, volunteer definition, Volunteerism, World News
I, fracas, can hardly contain myself this morning. It’s like I won the lottery or something. I didn’t… but this is almost as good.
You see, fracas has always been a volunteer. Whether it was as a nine year old who spent time in the kindergarten room (because her baby sib was scared to be at school) or as the twelve year old who stayed for hours after school helping the teachers with their prep work and such; as the 16 year old fracas who volunteered to organize and produce a high school project, to the new mom who was a founding member of a support group for a health care need that was absent in the community, through helping at a food distribution charity, or as an old and seasoned mom giving time on the board of directors for a different health care need in a different community, volunteering has always been part of the fraccy world.
Imagine my surprise then, to discover today that because I live in Canada, I’m going to be rich because of it!
I kid you not.
Today I learned how despite the fact I did all those things as a volunteer, I can now expect the government to cut me a cheque for it.
All of it.
Do you have any idea how fraccin’ old I am and what that means? No? Well, I’ll tell you.
I’m closer to 46 than 45, and if you do some quick math, you’ll realize that’s almost 37 years of volunteering I can ask for ‘backpay’ from the government for!
Cue my happy dance.
Oh, I know, you’re thinking to yourself that I’ve popped a screw or something, because as far as you’ve always understood it… volunteering meant to do something good for someone else for no personal gain other than that warm fuzzy feeling you get from helping someone else. Why, even the dictionary[1] agrees with what you and I have always thought a volunteer is supposed to be:
Main Entry: 1vol·un·teerPronunciation: \ˌvä-lən-ˈtir\Function: noun1 : a person who voluntarily undertakes or expresses a willingness to undertake a service: as a : one who enters into military service voluntarily b (1) : one who renders a service or takes part in a transaction while having no legal concern or interest (2) : one who receives a conveyance or transfer of property without giving valuable consideration
Well, colour you (and me) wrong!
A group of surgeons in Quebec have clarified for all of us, that dictionary or not, to volunteer means to go do something so that people think you’re doing it for some altruistic reason, but then go home (if you’re a Canadian) and expect your government to cut you a cheque for your ’services’.
… Health Minister Yves Bolduc is looking into a request by orthopedic surgeons who volunteered their services in Haiti after the Jan. 12 earthquake, and now want to be paid.
… Bolduc estimated that eight to 10 orthopedic surgeons, anesthesiologists and general surgeons from Quebec went on their own, offering their professional services in Haiti.
… But Bolduc is concerned that if he pays the orthopedic surgeons the $800 a day they seek, other Quebecers who volunteered their services in Haiti will also want to be paid. [2]
Damn right there would be.
If surgeons who went as volunteers, can come back and ask to be paid for ‘giving’ their time and skills to help others deal with a tragedy, then darn it all but the rest of us should be paid for our ‘volunteer’ work too. Rather than be upset about being wrong, I’ve decided to embrace it.
I know, I know… poor Merriam Webster is going to have an aneurism trying to figure out how to define the word ‘volunteer’ now. Millions of dictionaries will have to be recalled to avoind confusing the next generation of young ‘uns, and I can’t swear to it, but I think this may even be the beginning of the end of the world!
No matter. It’s all worth it. Surgeons in Quebec have a right to their $800 a day, and so do I. Oh, I doubt I’ll charge them quite that much… but it’ll be close. After all, everyone who’s benefitted from my acts of generosity knows I’m worth just about that much too!
I just need to calculate out $800 a day for 37 years, and whip up my own letter to the Government.
How does this affect you?
Well, aside from the chance that you’re a Canadian follower of fracas who could also send off your own letter and get rich for your volunteer work over the years, there is a benefit even for those of you who aren’t Canadian.
With all this money coming in, I’ll have no reason to need to do anything other than blog.
I’m sure now you see how this is a win-win for all of us!
Well… at least until the end of the world happens, which, if I was God looking down upon folks who went to Haiti ‘to help’ and now want their government to pay them for that… would probably be about now.
Read fast.
[1] http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/volunteer
[2] http://www.montrealgazette.com/health/Volunteer+surgeons+want+Quebec+them/2492500/story.html
Disclaimer: You shouldn’t need one, but just in case you do… it’s here.
Filed under: General | Tags: ad fails, Arnold Schwarzenegger a stalker, Arnold Schwarzenegger stalking fracas, being stalked on twitter, celebrity stalkers, Danny DeVito, Fracskatchewan ninjas, friendorfollow, funny classified ads, funny newspaper ads, Humor, Humour, Is Arnold Schwarzenegger stalking kids, Kindergarten Cop, Maria Shriver breaks laws, pop culture world news, therealfracas, True Lies, twitter
Surely you must think this time fracas has finally flipped. Arnold Schwarzenegger a stalker?
Impossible! After all, you’ve seen him in Kindergarten Cop, True Lies, and even that movie with Danny DeVito; he seemed like such a good guy!
I assure you though, I haven’t flipped.
It all started back last year when I signed up for Twitter. Like other brand new twits, I kept a close watch on who was following me, who wasn’t following me back… and other such pesky details. Using the ever-popular friendorfollow application, a twit like me can easily keep track of who is following, and who is not following back. Using their nifty application, I realized that none other than Arnold Schwartzenegger was actually following me… therealfracas.
For a time, I was honoured. After all, it’s not so much that a celebrity would bother to follow me on twitter, but the fact that he’s really awfully busy. I mean… being a celebrity creates a busy-ness all of its own, but added to that are his duties as Governor of California. If all of that doesn’t keep him busy enough as it is, you have to remember that trying to keep wife Maria from breaking the laws he creates is very likely almost a full time job in itself. Small wonder then, that I’d feel honoured enough to keep a screen cap to brag as a lovely memory.
All that went down the drain today, when I found this article, and realized Arnold is following me not because I’m so interesting that someone with his terribly busy and important schedule would still want to make time to pay attention to, but because he’s just a regular, garden variety stalker. Frac. It’s not like I spend much time talking about the fraccy children or anything, but still… as a mom, I find this a bit disturbing.
Cue the chills down my spine; I may have to call the police… and their ninjas.
Arnold might have a record for battling Terminators, but he ain’t never come up against a ninja cop (or mom) from Fracskatchewan. He’ll never know what hit him, and both fracas and the fraccy children will be safe once again!
Disclaimer: This is a joke. It was a cardboard cutout. If you need this disclaimer, you have bigger problems than I do, in which case, please accept my sympathies for your suffering… (and I’m not referring to the post).
Filed under: General | Tags: don't make me fracas mad, funny names for pets, funny newspaper ads, guide to naming your cat, Humor, Humour, stupid cat names, stupid pet names, the police have better things to do, what not to name your cat
I know the last couple of posts here at fracas have been on the more serious side, and I do apologize to be doing it again, but this is an emergency fraccers… it can’t be helped.
I’m just sick with worry that while Saskatoon’s finest (yes, I do mean the police) are being needlessly tied up tending to situations like these, that something untoward is going to happen to us and our frantic 911 calls will be for naught.
To assist our hard-working men and women in the blue and whites, I’ve decided to publish this helpful guide to naming your cat. Those of you who’ve already failed, please know that I consider it your duty to rename your pet. If you don’t, and someday I’m robbed, tortured or killed as a result of the rampant run of criminal activity once all the hardened criminals in Saskatoon realize the police are too busy to come after them… I will be more than slightly ticked.
Indeed, I will be fracas-mad… and that ain’t a good thing.
What Not To Name Your Cat:
- Help – Okay, are you stupid? Didn’t you see the ad?
- Fire - People might come rushing over with buckets of water and garden hoses, and your priceless Renoir might be ruined. Ok, fine… maybe not the Renoir, but do you look good in a wet t-shirt? I bet not. Don’t do it. Police have to tend to fire calls too, and that will make fracas mad… not to mention if she has to see you in your wet t-shirt.
- God – Yes, I know you think it might be funny, but I promise you that if you lose that cat even once and have to endure years of your neighbours asking you (if you found God yet) each time they see you, you will wish you’d taken my advice. And then there’s that chance that you might snap, and do something untoward to those neighbours… and then the police won’t be available to take care of me.
- Sex – Again… and I know there was that guy on ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ who said his name was ‘Sex’, but just as with him, people get annoyed at that. Say you’re a law-abiding person and paid for the cat’s license and tag, but the cat gets out. So you go down to the police station and walk in telling them you’re there looking for ‘Sex’. How well do you think that’s going to go? They’re going to want to ‘talk’ to you. Again… you’ll be taking them away from their precious duty to be available for me.
- Tornado – Please see #1. Please also note that you will cause folks to run screaming into their basements and all call 911 at the same time. I’m going to guess that the 911 operator may end up coming to your home and beating you senseless… which will cause what? That’s right… the police will have to come to your house instead of being all ready to protect me. Oh, plus… you might be dead. 911 operators are fierce.
- Fracas - I told you. The police are there to protect and serve me. If you’re out there calling for me, they’re going to show up with a SWAT team… and Ninjas… and maybe even psychics to help find me… and when they find out you’re looking for a cat and not me, they’re going to send you up to some Northern Saskatchewan lake without any mosquito repellant. You’ll never be heard from again.
So there’s a good start for you. Should you have another name you think is a good idea, but aren’t sure… just ask me about it by leaving a comment. I’ll reply and let you know if your cat’s name is acceptable to me.
Très Bien!
