fracas

Saving Private Ryan… just not after the cheque has cleared the bank. It seems the philosphy of a few Hollywood celebs these days. According to The Hill:

“Hollywood’s top GIs have spurned Rep. Devin Nunes’s (R-Calif.) effort to help real soldiers who had their benefits cut off after losing family members in Iraq and Afghanistan. These soldiers returned home under the “sole-survivor” policy, which was a storyline in the 1998 Oscar-winning film.

In the movie, a troop of soldiers led by Tom Hanks’s character  risks their lives to save the titular Private Ryan (Matt Damon), whose three brothers have all been killed in World War II.

Nunes had a similar situation in his central California district. Former Army Spc. Jason Hubbard lost two brothers, Marine Lance Cpl. Jared Hubbard and Army Cpl. Nathan Hubbard, in Iraq. As the last of the three brothers, Jason Hubbard opted to leave Iraq and the military under the sole-survivor policy, which allows anyone to exit military service with an honorable discharge when he or she loses one or more immediate family members.

Once Hubbard was back home, however, he ran up against a bureaucratic brick wall. The military cut him off, refusing to provide the customary support for a veteran transitioning to civilian life. The Army denied him any benefits under the GI bill, refused to provide the customary transitional healthcare and ordered him to repay a significant portion of his enlistment bonus. Congress has never passed legislation detailing the rights of sole survivors, so Hubbard was at the mercy of Defense Department bureaucrats.

Nunes’s Hubbard Act will provide continued benefits for any member of the armed forces who decides to leave the military after losing a family member. Specifically, it guarantees unemployment compensation, as well as payment for transitional healthcare and commissary and exchange benefits, as well as veterans’ benefits. These benefits would apply even if the soldier had not completed the years of service as agreed upon at enlistment.

In addition, these soldiers would not be forced to repay any portion of their enlistment bonus and may participate in the GI bill’s education benefits.

Since Nunes introduced the proposal in mid-April, Rep. Jim Costa (D-Calif.) has signed on as an original co-sponsor and the bill has quickly attracted 295 co-sponsors on both sides of the aisle. Sens. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) and Saxby Chambliss (R-Ga.) introduced companion legislation and attached substantial portions of it to the Defense Authorization bill. Armed Services Committee Chairman Ike Skelton (D-Mo.) and Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.), the ranking member, want to see the bill enacted by Memorial Day. Nunes is hearing that Democratic leaders may schedule a floor vote as early as next week.

So far, however, the stars of “Saving Private Ryan,” including Hanks, Damon, director Steven Spielberg and Robert Rodat, the writer, have brushed aside attempts to enlist their support.

An e-mail reply from Hanks’s agent, Meghan Hurlbut, to a Nunes staffer said the mega-star had “politely declined” the request for a signature on a letter of support.

“He sends his regrets and wishes you all the best, but simply cannot become involved in something of this matter at the present time,” Hurlbut wrote. “His schedule and workload just doesn’t permit it, and he will not commit himself to anything that he is not prepared to be fully involved with. Thanks so much for understanding.”

Spielberg had a similar response, conveyed to Nunes’s office through Robert Rozen, a lobbyist for the Directors Guild of America.

“We finally heard back and Spielberg declined to associate himself with this,” Rozen wrote in an e-mail. “I think it was a case of not wanting to focus on this as much as anything; he evidently just finished filming his latest ‘Indiana Jones’ movie and is in the middle of another production and probably just did not have the time to focus; sorry, it sounds like a good project.”

Damon’s agent, Jennifer Allen, said Damon was in Europe shooting a movie but would get back to Nunes’s aides. He never did, they said, while Rodat’s office did not respond at all.

Nunes is deeply disappointed that the celebrities who made the film and benefited from it financially are too busy to sign a letter to help real-world soldiers who have lost siblings in Iraq or Afghanistan.

“Hollywood made millions on this film, and we thought they’d want to give back,” Nunes said. “We have a real-life Private Ryan who could use their help … it has been rather frustrating on our end that they’re not interested.”

Nunes spokesman Andrew House went further and took a swipe at the lucrative entertainment industry’s values.

“We are realists and, in any event, Hollywood is about entertainment; more than $4 billion worth of entertainment last summer.” House wrote in an e-mail. “They must be busy. That’s more money in one summer than what, [the gross domestic product of] half of the members of the United Nations?”

Hollywood’s top lobbyist, Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) President Dan Glickman, may still ride in to save the day. Nunes said Glickman pledged to reach out to the Hollywood community for support after the two met Tuesday to discuss it.

An MPAA spokeswoman confirmed that Glickman had agreed to help enlist Hollywood’s help.

“We just found out about the bill several hours ago and it sounds like a worthy cause,” said the spokeswoman, Angela Martinez. “Dan has certainly said he will try to be helpful as much as possible to reach out to folks with [whom] we have contacts.”

Nunes said he didn’t know whether Spielberg, Hanks and Damon, all well-known donors to Democratic candidates and causes, were reluctant to respond to a Republican lawmaker or to a cause dealing directly with the Iraq war, considering that films on the topic have been box-office disappointments.”

First, I’d like to extend my deepest sympathies to Former Army Spc. Jason Hubbard, followed by a thank you for his service and that of his two brothers. While that can never be enough, perhaps sharing his story here and encouraging others to think about how they feel about it… and then perhaps doing the same at their own blogs or in their own personal lives, will somehow help him know that others care. Even Canadians.

There’s still a bit more to read over at The Hill, (and I know I’ve quoted more than what is probably the norm, but I’ve not done it with malice, rather because I think it’s important to inspire others to discuss and share this with as many other people as they can) but my question to you is this:

Should the stars of the movie Saving Private Ryan support the cause that while portraying it in the movie, made them handsome amounts of money?

And if you need to see more, check out this story  and even this story.

Now post your opinions… and don’t be shy! If you, like me, think that at the very least, the stars of that movie should support the Bill, share the story any way you can.

According to Children…

• No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
• When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
• If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
• Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
• You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
• Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
• Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
• Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
• School lunches stick to the wall.
• You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
• Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
• The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma’s lap.

According to Adults…

• Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.
• There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.
• One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
• The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere… and let the air
  out of their tires.
• Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.
• Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.
• Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
• Laughing helps. It’s like jogging on the inside.
• Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
• My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
• If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts.
• You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

[Source: http://www.jokesandhumor.com/]

We’ve heard it over and over… global warming is a bad thing. Some have started campaigns to stop it, some have protested and some have excercised our right to vote for politicians who care and understand that global warming is truly a danger.

That is, unless you’ve got great tits.

Oh… and your tits are British.

I received a tip (that was a tip, not a tit ) from a friend and what I learned was alarming!

 “Researchers found that great tits are laying eggs earlier in the spring than they used to, keeping step with the earlier emergence of caterpillars.

Writing in the journal Science, they point out that the same birds in the Netherlands have not managed to adjust.”

Now, I wasn’t sure I cared all that much about tits from the Netherlands, but I was truly upset to learn that somehow, those British tits are doing better than our North American birds. Perhaps it’s because of a certain British old fart git, who tries so hard to get my goat every now and again, but I have this inner voice that just will not allow me to concede defeat to a Brit.  

So this cannot be. British tits somehow figuring out how to adapt to a new worldly weather order, and North American birds floundering? We North Americans must band together and do something drastic!

I, determined to find some North American tits that were enjoying the warmer weather, set out to do just so. To my utter and devastating dismay, I learned something awful.

There are no great tits in North America!

There is simply no way any tit-loving North American could stand for this. Great tits in North America must be located.

As anyone who knows the fracas can attest to, all it takes to fire me up is the chance that there’s an injustice happening. Quicker than you could say Olga, The Traveling Bra, I’d bolted from my chair and had out the poster paper, markers and sticks; protest signs raring to go and a phoning tree organized.

I was determined to find some great tits in North America… I just needed help.

Within the hour, there we were, a small but very vocal group with protest signs waving in the wind and our hearts beating with the excitement of knowing that we were doing something so valuable it would certainly go down in the record books as nothing short of heroic! After all… we were saving North America from the embarassment of being a land where no great tits can be found. We were small in numbers, but great in spirit and determination not to allow the British to be known as the land of great tits. 

We couldn’t have felt any prouder. It was a feeling everyone should experience at least once in their lives.

How were we to know though, that this glory would be short-lived? We’d only been on duty less than an hour when it happened. There was a fury of flashing lights, sirens (and a news camera or two) and before you know it, there we were in a holding cell, waiting for our loved ones to fetch us.

Honestly, I don’t see what we did wrong.

The arresting officer couldn’t keep from laughing (and oddly, staring at all the good, kind souls who were inspired by our signs.) He kept mumbling something under his breath that sounded like ‘Wikipedia’ and ‘Damn Fools.’

I suppose had I checked Wikipedia, I’d have known that indeed, North America does have some great tits… we just call them something else.

Who could blame me though? Everyone knows you shouldn’t rely on Wikipedia for your information… don’t they?

In the end, I may have spent a little time in the slammer, suffered a few indignities and wasted a few dollars on making those signs, but it was all worth it to defend the honor of Great (North American) Tits.

I just hope the judge understands.

If you too, support Great Tits in North America, please show your support by sharing this post and showing the fracas that a little jail time was worth it.

Read more about Great Tits:

• Great tits cope well with warming (And a hat tip to Mike for the story!)
• Great tits enjoying the warmer weather - so far (Image source.)
• GREAT TIT (Parus major): SPECIES ACCOUNTS
• Wikipedia results for Tit (bird)
• Wikipedia results for Great Tit
• Wikipedia results for Blue Tit
• All About Titmice

And hey… you know this is Humor-Blog worthy!

That’s right. Being somewhat of a germophobe, I can’t say I’m surprised but the “big news” these days is that your computer keyboard is dirtier than your toilet!

From this News-Medical.net article:

“The consumer-advocacy group, in Britain, ‘Which?’ commissioned a microbiologist to test just how clean the average computer keyboard was by looking at more than thirty keyboards in its own offices.

The results were then compared to those found on toilet seats and a toilet door handles.

The outcome was quite shocking in that one keyboard had to be removed from the office as it was revealed to be five times filthier than the toilet seat.

The keyboard apparently harboured 150 times over the level of acceptable bacteria and two other keyboards were found to contain Staphylococcus aureus, which can cause skin infections and food poisoning.”

Cleaning your keyboard regularly is something everyone could and should do to prevent illness, just like washing hands. If you think about how often the keyboard is handled by multiple people… and how just as those people can germ up doorknobs and the like, your keyboard may be stockpiling viruses and germs like a squirrel getting ready for the winter hides acorns.

A while back, one of the fraccy children was hospitalized for a time and lo and behold but while she was there if she didn’t contract Norwalk Virus. She was, in the midst of the days she was unknowingly contagious, home and used all things keyboard related. Being the fraccy germophobe I am, I cleaned the keyboard after her, and darndest thing… no one else in the home became sick.

So today, I am going to remind everyone to clean their keyboard. I’m not talking about the canned air, blowing the crumbs from all those crackers and chips you munch while blogging (or surfing the naughty sites like you all say you don’t). I’m talking about the disinfecting the keys (and the mouse) kind of cleaning. (Although if you do need to blow out the crumbs, please do. Your keyboard will be happy and you will make far fewer typos that way.) Here are some tips:

1. Alcohol wipes work great and there’s no chance of spilling anything liquid into the board, which will probably mean you end up buying a new one. That will take care of your germ problem, but because you’re really supposed to be disinfecting it once per month, that could get a little pricey.
2. If you don’t have alcohol wipes, you could avail yourself of a soft towel of some sort… an old washcloth, a j-cloth, even a (tougher brand) paper towel. Fill a basin with a solution of warm water and household bleach, and soak the towel in it. Squeeze the towel out, removing enough water to make it damp but not able to squish water out into the keyboard, and wipe the face of the keys down with the cloth. You will need to rinse and wring the cloth a few times during the procedure. You may also swab the sides of the keys with a cotton swab dipped in the solution.
3. You may take a damp cloth, and a quantity of ready-to-use hand sanitizer germ killer product, and once you’ve worked it into the cloth so that it’s not squishy but rather the sanitizer is embedded into the cloth, wipe down the keys. You will have to repeat this as the alcohol in the sanitizer product tends to evaporate.

Whichever method works best for you, remember to do it if you share your keyboard with anyone. No matter who thinks they don’t, at some point, we all forget and touch our noses, our eyes, our mouth, and that transfers untold germs from our bodies to our keyboards.

And you know… while the reports suggest we might be better off typing with our rear-ends, it’s not that easy.

I’ve tried.

Please… head over to Humor-Blogs and spread this message. There are people there who blog about some very dirty things. I bet they need to clean their keyboards daily!

More articles about this.

• ABC News’ Your Keyboard: Dirtier Than Your Toilet
• Consumer Affairs ‘Study gives Whole New Meaning to ‘Computer Virus’
• The Windsor Star Keyboard a Dirty Place
• [Image Source] How to clean your computer keyboard 

Every time I have plans to try to get some work done, someone comes along and throws a wrench (or a cupful of rainbow sprinkles) into it. I am outright blaming Speedcat Hollydale for this one, and I’m not sure exactly what he can do to make up for it.

You see, because of him and his planned attack on Robert, a fellow Canadian, I very nearly lost some of my fraccy bits and pieces.

I know.

You’re as outraged as I am now, aren’t you?

It seems that Olga the Traveling Bra went to spend some time with Speedcat, and (as if any of us are surprised) as a true member of the male gender, how do you think Speedcat is entertaining Olga?

Going to the movies? A nightclub? A friendly backyard barbecue gathering with all his friends (to which I’m quite certain Frank, the Sedentary Jockstrap would’ve made the trip to attend), or even a day spent at local museums and art galleries?

Noooooooooo.

No, Speedcat chose to entertain Olga by using her as a catapult to launch messy, sticky jelly donuts into the sky in hopes that they would come down on poor Robert. Though he launched two donuts, only one came down on Robert… and that my friends is where the fracas enters the picture.

It seems one of the donuts went astray and there was fallout. The story (from here on) gets a bit graphic though. Please only continue reading if you think you can handle talk of nudity and violence.

I, like another of Hollydale’s aquaintances, had heard about Nekkid Gardening Day, and like Wendy, reasoned that I could in fact, get more accomplished in the garden without the burden of clothes. After all, don’t swimmers shave their bodies to make better time? I have a large yard. Gardening without clothes seemed to be the perfect solution for how to get more of this nasty spring cleanup done in less time. Being on a corner, I have only one neighbour to worry about and I knew for sure they were gone.

There I was, in solidarity with Wendy, when I heard that ominous whistling sound a gal like me only knows from watching old WWII movies. A bomb? Couldn’t be. Not only am I Canadian, but I live in Saskatchewan! No one is interested in bombing Saskatchewan! I mean, according to everything everyone knows… we’re just flat land here and a bomb wouldn’t even do any real damage anyway. In fact, a crater or two placed correctly, with a few good rains afterwards, might even be a good thing. We do like our lakes up here. Gives us all somewhere to go for summer holidays, since everyone knows there’s nothing else exciting here!

I looked up and couldn’t believe my eyes. Heading towards me with the fury of a teenage boy after his first dirty magazine, was none other than a battery of sprinkles.

Donut sprinkles.

I, like a character from a Mission Impossible movie, dove, rolled and narrowly escaped being peppered with shrapnel-like bits of candy.

It was then that I remembered I was gardening nekkid, and while the fraccy bits and pieces are still intact, I have suffered a bit of lawn-burn in some very inconvenient places.

I have recorded (for evidence) the sprinkles in the fraccy lawn. You’ll just have to take my word on the lawn-burn. Well… unless there happens to arrive in my paypal, some substantial “donations” at which point I may post photos of the fraccy burns.

This, my dear fraccers, is why I am terribly upset with Hollydale. I’ve been thinking about what he could possibly do to make up for all of my pain and suffering and I think I’ve found the answer. Of course, there’s always this too.

If not… I suppose I could add his name to the cauldron’s ”to do” list. If he’s not sure which is his better option, he might want to ask someone with experience… or even Shinade (though I’ve never used the cauldron on her, she may be able to attest to such things since she is a regular fraccer). In fact, if it wasn’t for her making Hollydale’s crime known to fracas, I may never have known who was to blame for my suffering.

Although this incident was no laughing matter, perhaps you’ll find something funny over at Humor-Blogs. If you, like me, think Hollydale owes me a pair of shoes an apology for my pain and suffering… share this post with others. Perhaps we’ll convince him with some good old peer pressure!